


What Sarah Said

by MissChriss



Series: The "Daydream" Series [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:31:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissChriss/pseuds/MissChriss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck loses his mom. This a companion piece to "Daydream In That Small Town."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Sarah Said

Puck sat on the edge of the bed. His wool suit scratching at the inside of his thighs. The thick hotel shutters were pulled back a bit and let thin tendrils of light fall in. He braced his elbows on his knees and rolled the thin cigarette through his fingers. The white filter slid over the slight yellowing on his forefinger.

Behind him, he heard the clatter of Kurt getting Anna ready and his quiet clucking about getting ready to see Grandma. Puck's heart clenched and he stared at his fingertips. Three weeks ago he only really smoked when things got to be a little too much. A few times a year maybe. Each time Kurt would click his tongue and refuse to kiss him until the next day. But that was before. Before hospitals and morphine. Before rattled breathing and shaking hands. Before Sarah called him at three in the morning and told him he had to come home.

**

Three Weeks Earlier

The ring is shrill and makes Puck jolt awake. His hand shoots out to find his family in the darkness and lands on the small plane of Anna's back. The tiny hiccups that punctuate her breath are the only evidence of her nightmare. Kurt's chin is resting protectively on the top of her head and his fingertips ghost over the spot Puck's head just left. He squints at the call id before he huffs slightly and falls back towards his pillow.

“This better be good, Squirt.”

Instead of the giggle he's expecting, all he hears is dead air before her shuddered breath forces him out of bed and into the bathroom.

“Noah....you've gotta come home.”

“Sarah, what happened?

“It's Mama.... They don't think it's gonna be long now. ..She's asking for you... Just come home.”

Sarah hangs up and leaves an angry dial tone screaming in his ear. Kurt finds him there a few hours later, staring at the phone and letting the silent tears slip down his cheeks to land on his bare chest. The bathtub leaves a dent in his spine that he feels for the entire plane ride home. Kurt's fingers laced with his own and Anna's soft voice singing along to her iPod are the only things that keep him together.

The ride from the airport seems to take longer than all the other times he's had to make it. The highway lines blur and the car swerves slightly every time he has blink away the tears threatening to fall. The lights of the city used to make him feel like he was home. Now all they are is too bright, too happy for the moment.

After Burt passed away, they had only stepped foot in that hospital when Anna was born. The surrogate had insisted that she be born in the same hospital both the baby's fathers had been born in. In the end, Puck was happy that they had been able to make new memories there. His mom had come up from emergency the minute she heard Anna was on the way. She sat in the waiting room, wearing her scrubs, for every minute of the eighteen hours.

This time Puck has to sit outside for twenty minutes until he can walk inside. Anna is getting antsy in the back seat and pulling her ruffled socks of her feet then throwing them at the back of his head. Kurt can see the vein starting to pulse in his forehead. He mentions something about the gift shop before the car is empty and Puck is surrounded by silence for the first time in twelve hours.

The hospital smells like he remembers it. The duty nurse recognizes him and points him towards the Room 704. Being the son of a nurse, Puck has known since he was thirteen what that seventh floor meant. The seventh floor was for people that were never going to leave out the front door. His knees buckle in the elevator and he had to keep himself upright by leaning into the hard metal railing behind him. He looks out the glass and sees his family four floors down. Kurt is carrying flowers and Anna is twirling around with a pink bear in her left hand. Her soft purple skirt billowing with every turn. His shuddered exaltation fog the glass in front of him and he almost misses the ding of the elevator stopping on the seventh floor.

When the door opens he can see Sarah standing at the other end of the hall. The light makes everything a sickly green color and the minute she sees him her shoulders slump in relief. Each step he takes towards her is harder than the last. A lump forms thick in his throat and Sarah's tired eyes bore into his. He folds her in his arms the moment he reaches her and she muffles the sobs in his chest. A loud sniffle breaks the silence and Sarah pulls away to angrily swipe at the tears streaming down her face.

“I don't understand. She was just diagnosed a month ago. It shouldn't be this bad already. We were supposed to have more time.” Sarah's anguish rips through Puck's chest and he realizes for the first time just how bad it is.

“I know, squirt. But she told us this disease hits everyone differently. Don't forget she's a Puckerman. She'll fight to stay with us.” Puck's voice breaks as he sees Sarah's face crumble again. She turns away from him and motions for him to go into the room.

The dividing curtain is pulled. The sunlight streams through the thin fabric and he can see the shadow of the bed on the other side. The whirl of the machines drown out the shuddered breath he has to take with every step. His throat closed as he pulled back the curtain and saw her for the first time. His shocked gasp made her brow crinkle in her sleep. She looked so small. Her tiny frame was drowning in the cheap hospital gown. He could see the pin point bruises that dotted her arm. He knew that those were from the endless visits of people needing her blood and all the times she'd managed to pull her IV. For a long time he just stood there watching the woman that raised him to be the kind of man he was, leave him.

 

And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself,  
That I’ve already taken too much today,  
As each descending peak on the LCD,  
Took you a little farther away from me

 

She didn't open her eyes until a loud squeal of laughter sounded down the hallway. Her eyes lock with Puck's and he felt light for the first time since all this had started. She opened her eyes and Puck could still see her there. The light danced in her smile and color flooded her cheeks. She raised her arms towards him. He walked to her and let tiny rivulets of tears fall when her strong arms wrapped around his shoulders.

Anna burst through the door and jumped on the bed before Kurt could stop her. Her happy chatter allows him to slip into the bathroom. His knuckles are white as grips the edge of the sink with shaky hands. He bows his head as panicked breath flutters through his chest. A pair of strong arms wrap around his waist from behind and Kurt rests his head on Puck's shoulder. The stare at each other in the mirror. They can see the fear that paints both their faces. They can see the grief. They can see the thick strain that already rests in the corner of their eyes. Kurt's hand rubs calming circles on Puck stomach and Kurt's breath dancing along Puck's neck. Puck brings his hands to rest on top of Kurt's and they lock eyes in the mirror. They listen to their daughter's giggles and take a deep breath. Knowing this is the calm before the storm.

**

They lose two weeks to bad daytime TV and Anna drawing picture at the end of the hospital bed. The all pretend like this isn't real. They laugh as Norah tells embarrassing stories about the kids as they were growing up. They all pretend they don't see the tears well in her eyes as she remembers that this is probably the last time she's ever get to tell those stories. But then Anna made them all face the truth.

Puck was in the hallway with Sarah talking with the doctor and Kurt was folding the laundry he had just finished when Anna came back from the child care center the hospital provided. She always came back smiling and chattering about all the new friends she made. This time was different. Her tiny chin trembled as she pulled herself up on the bed. Norah winced as she settled Anna in the crook of her arm.

“What's wrong, baby?” Norah's voice seemed to make Anna even sadder.

“Billy said that we have to have a party to say goodbye to you. One that means you're never coming back. He said when his daddy went away he had to wear an itchy black suit. I told him that I'm gonna wear my pink party dress and he said I wasn't allowed.” Anna's voice dissolves into sobs and Norah softly shushes her.

“Shhh, baby. Don't worry about what anybody says. When it's time to have my goodbye party I want you to wear the prettiest, brightest dress. Okay?” Her voice was thick with tears.

Anna pulled away from her slightly and wiped her tears. “Nana, when is your goodbye party?”

Norah was quiet for a long time. She pulled Anna into her arms and locked eyes with Puck and Kurt, who were now standing at the edge of her bed.

“Soon. baby. Very soon.”

**

Puck spends hours watching him mom sleep. He spent his entire life watching her sleep. Before they got the house that would eventually become their home, they lived in a two bedroom apartment. The carpets left small flecks of orange lint on anything that touched it. He and Sarah had always had their own rooms. In that apartment, Norah slept in the living room. They would always have to play the TV really low until they were sure she was asleep.

Puck had spent years with his back pressed against the couch, orange fluff clinging to his pajamas. Listening to his mom sleep. He could always tell if she was dreaming. He had memorized the slight hiccuped breaths that always meant she was having a nightmare. Whenever he heard those he would raise his arm to rest along the edge of the couch cushion. Her hand would find his in her sleep and he breathing would even out.

This time the hiccuped breath had nothing to do with nightmares. The thick slide of the medicine in her IV ensured that she would only dream of clouds and puppies and cupcake kisses. This time when Puck held her hand, her breathing didn't even out.

Puck watched as Sarah set up the record player across the room. Grief hit him square in the chest as he remembered the cramped living room of that apartment. The hours they had spent dancing to mama's old 45's. Years of singing duets as three part harmonies. The nights of Elvis and Dolly. Of Kris and Conway. Of Eve of Destruction and One Tin Soldier. Of Delta Dawn and Bat Outta Hell. His mama had taught him The Twist and every lyric of Coat of Many Colors in that living room. From across the room he saw the tiny record player that spent years making him love music. It didn't fit in the stark white of the hospital room. It belonged in a dingy apartment that smells like seventeen different types of food from the hallway and the people gave Fight The Power stickers out on Halloween instead of candy.

When Sarah turned around he saw the little kid that would always make him sing the girl part of Paradise By The Dashboard Light and his throat closed up. He was only able to make it to the door before he lost it. His hands shook as he cradled his face in his hands. The muscles in his stomach quivered. Puck collapsed in the small yellow chair outside the door and sobbed so hard he wretched. The contains of his stomach threatened to come up with every broken sob. He put his head between his knees and keened like an animal.

Puck has no idea how long he stays like that. He just knows that he doesn't move until familiar shoes enter the small space of floor Puck can't take his eyes off of. Kurt kneels down beside him and presses a light kiss to his forehead.

“Baby, it's time.” Kurt's voice shakes as he moves back to standing beside Puck.

“I can't fucking do this.” Puck sounds almost broken.

“Noah, it's the only thing she asked for. It's all she wants.”

“I know... It's just.... it just hurts.”

Kurt presses the thin pile of records into Puck's hands. He kisses him softly on the forehead again and heads down the hall to where little Anna is waiting. Puck waves at her and wipes his tears away with the back of his hand. By the time he goes back inside Sarah is braiding Norah's hair and only a mother can tell that he's been crying.

**

Kurt takes Anna to the park down the street. They build sandcastles and play hopscotch. Anna meets a few new friends and Kurt stands back watching as she does. By the time they get back to the hospital Norah has already laughed as Puck pretended to be Elvis while signing Heartbreak Hotel and cried as Sarah sang What's Your Mama's Name, Child?”. Her babies had given her the faintest recreation of what those warm nights when it was just them against the world were. Each one was curled under one of her arms. Their forearms were a welcome pressure against her belly and their soft breath hit her collarbone.

They were all asleep when Kurt got back. A sleepy Anna resting limply in his arms. He smiled softly at the sight of the man he loves with his family. Kurt settles down in the chair by the end of the bed. Anna's soft breath tickling his neck. He falls into a warm sleep and doesn't wake up again until the sun paints the room orange and pink.

Years from now he still won't know why he woke up right at that moment. The moment Norah's eyes locked with his. The moment that propelled him to stand at the foot of her bed, pressing his free hand against her shin, Anna pressed firmly against his chest with the other. She looks at him of a moment. Silently asking Kurt to take care of her babies. She waits until Kurt nods his promise. Her breath stutters slightly and then she goes.

Kurt can't stop the sob that escapes him and it wakes Puck. His forearm isn't moving anymore. His breath and heartbeat speed up. Almost like he's trying to make up for what Norah isn't using anymore. Her soft perfume lingers on Puck's skin.

In that moment, his mommy died.

In that moment, he is heartbroken.

**

His mom had only been gone for twelve hours and his suit was strangling him. Puck's fingers crush the cigarette in his hand. As he watches the tobacco fall from the loose paper, Puck realizes that he'll never touch one again.

He thinks about Anna feeling like he does right now. He thinks about saying goodbye to Kurt. He thinks about what would happen if, god forbid, they ever had to say goodbye to Anna. He thinks about all the times he's shaken Kurt awake to make sure he was still there. About all the times he had to ask “She's gone, right?”.

A knock on the door tells him it's time to go. They walk down to the car in complete silence. Anna's pink party dress brushing the stiff fabric of their pant legs.

He learns about love that day. He learns about loss. He learns that saying goodbye means something if you do it right. He learns that pink party dresses and holding hands can get him through anything.

When the sun hits his face he feels Kurt's perfect white fingers lace with his slightly yellowed ones and, even though the taste of his last cigarette still lingers on his lips, Kurt kisses him.

 

I Knew That You Were A Truth,  
I Would Rather Lose Than,  
To Never Have Lain Beside At All.

**


End file.
